I try to avoid things that make me fat like scales mirrors and photographs.

What did the wife say to the husband jokes. My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other. The farmer stares his wife directly in the eyes and yells THIS IS THE PIG I HAVE SEX WITH WHEN YOU HAVE A HEADACHE The farmers wife looks him up and down and states. He said Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.

Be pleasant at all times. A wife asked her husband. So far weve been up for three days.

I love being married. Honey you always say your prayers at home before your dinner Her husband replied. They had just had a big argument and were not talking to one another.

What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body He looked at her from head to toe and replied. A Farmer carrying a sheep under one arm storms into his bedroom where his wife is in bed quietly reading. Ever since Sir Ian McKellen played Widow Twankey in 2004 a slew of famous faces have been gracing the festive boards - and honing those old chestnuts to make them as up-to-date as possible.

- Im sorry I dont know how to finish a joke based on this private a matter. I was looking for the expiration date. You are getting fat.

I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. I already have blisters on my palms because of the broom Husband. If you dont follow my instructions carefully your husband will surely die Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.