Marathon of Law & Order today.  Break the case…

I’ve been throwing up all day long.  It’s a horrible feeling.

It was my dad’s memorial on the 4th.  I really hate that day.

I bought the book “Dear John”.  I hope it doesn’t make me cry.

If you go to Macy’s wearing red, you’ll get 20% off.  I bought five sweaters, one pants, and three pairs of shoes.  Go stimulate the economy.

Colts vs. Saints.  I don’t give a fuck.  Damn Vikings…

I love watching “House”.  The drama and suspense of determining the underlying disease, watching the symptoms manifest, while a team of doctors order series of labs and trials of medications in a vain effort to discover the cryptic ailment, always gets me riled up. But despite the theatrics of it all…there’s also a moral for each of the episodes.

Maria Palko: Marriages don’t fail because couples get bored. They fail because, while they’re dating, people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants and then - well, there’s only so long you can keep that up.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe they are that person when they’re dating, but then they change.
Maria Palko: People thinking their partner will change? That’s another reason marriages fail. People don’t change. At least not in any way that really matters.

What do you think?

Please discuss…

Friday

After work, I went to a house party.  I drank a shitload and ended up barfing a few times.  Ugh.

Went home + crashed.

Saturday

Woke up early to go to a staff meeting.

Went to another house party this afternoon.  No drinking though…gah, I hate vomiting.

I was supposed to go to a birthday party tonight…but with psychotic drivers trying to drive in the rain, I decided to stay home.

I’m bored…

Currently listening to: Ride Wit Me - Nelly

I didn’t go into work today.

I didn’t shower today either.

HAH!  I am two for two.

However, I was productive.

I met up with two other friends at IHop.  I’m not really a fan of IHop but it’s been awhile since I’ve had pancakes and they were having an AYCE (all you can eat) pancake fest.  I put on my feedbag and ate one pancake and a sausage link.  Disappointing, isn’t it?  I mean what the hell?  This is ALL YOU CAN EAT for fucks sakes…I think my stomach was rejecting the carbs.

I went to a training on being a transaction coordinator.  They gave me a certificate and everything.  My friend’s a broker and I figured, “Why the hell not?”  It’d be good to know the ins and outs of the real estate business.  Yeah, I know it’s totally random but that’s my problem.  I AM random.  Almost everything interests me…I want to do everything.

I guess that’s the beauty of my job right now.  I never know what’s going to come through the doors, it’s a guessing game.  It keeps me on my toes.

I got a grip of text messages throughout the day from coworkers.  Something about federal agents and police officers.  I picked a fine day to be out.  *grin*

I visited my ex-coworker who has breast cancer.  She finished her chemotherapy and is going to have surgery…then radiation.  She’s depressed because her body aches everywhere and she gets winded quickly.  There’s nothing I can do for her except bring her food that she loves, listen and validate her issues.

I went shopping for two hours and bought NOTHING.  Is this how it feels to be impotent?

Kenpo X.

It’s my favorite.
I wonder what would happen if it I did it two days in a row?
Tomorrow’s supposed to be a “rest” day…

A friend of mine asked me if I was in love.
I told him, “no”.
He seemed confused with my reply.
I suppose I should have told him, “I’m in like”.
Perhaps that would have cleared things up for him.

Anyway…

“My Life Would Suck Without You”.
I used to like the Kelly Clarkson version to pieces…but I think I love the Glee version.
*le sigh*

Legs, back, and of course Ab Ripper X.

I think that the workout exercise that Big Bang had given me in the past has prepared me for P90X, otherwise I surely would have failed.

Lots of squats and lunges.  I think the worst are the wall squats.  My legs get so shaky, I worry that my legs will give out and I’ll fall on my ass.  OMG the Ab Ripper always kicks my ass.  I sit there staring at the black guy with his chiseled chest and think about how much I hate him.  Yeah dood, keep putting your hands up in the air…dammit.

Thanks P90X.  Now I have a lot of energy from the workout…I was able to sustain a long-winded conversation with my former boss…for over an hour.

I was supposed to meet my friend at dance class tonight.
But she stood me up.
I would have rather stayed home doing P90X instead.
She sucks.
Damn flake.

I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot.

Peeled by ThePseudoHousewife

These are my seven online crushes.
I’ve never met any of them in the flesh before.
In alphabetical order:

dys: I like his writing style.  I feel like I’m *right there* when he’s describing things.  The new relationships, the breakups, even the mundane things in life are a delight to read.  The details…oh the details.  Sometimes, I wish it were me he was writing about. *le sigh*

oldSkool_nyc: He seems like the kinda guy I could take home to my mom.  He’s considerate, real, and easy going for a New Yorker.  *grin* He’s rather wholesome but I can tell that there’s a wild side of him just waiting to bust out.  Now he’s living big (he’s an attorney) and working for one of the most prestigious company in the motherland.  I think I hate you…just a little bit.

peppymints: Mensuh Neht sister.  She’s artsy and cute.  She’s fun loving and dammit I hate her cause she’s got big ass knockers for a Corean chick and is skinny.  Oh did I mention that she has freckles?  How awesome is that?  Her legs were featured in Neiman Marcus.  Hah!  If I were still in Texas, we would have been BFFs.  Werd.

ThePseudoHousewife: Mensuh Neht sister.  She’s down to earth and nice to look at.  She’s got big eyes and titties.  Double D’s or something like that??  Corean chicks would pay their plastic surgeons to have those puppies.  Yes, she’s Corean too.  She’s witty and clever, smarter than most Corean chicas.  I really feel that she’s underrated, because if she weren’t out in the sticks tending to her loving husband, she’d be a hottest commodity in the city. Her husband’s got it made…I hope he realizes how good he’s got it.

yellowdecay: A successful lawyer, Ivy League graduate, and so damn thoughtful it hurts.  Very genuine and caring.  He was like the brother I wish I had…but didn’t get.  It’s been a forever since he’s written anything.  It felt like a piece of me died when he stopped.  He’s most likely married now, I envy his wife.  Men, you should take notes from him.  I doubt he reads my blog anymore.  I miss him, he always made me feel inspired.  At times I wish I could reach out to him, but I realize that there are limits and boundaries to our online friendship.

Honorable mention goes to:

ktownbachelor: He’s the typical Corean guy you’d find in the military.  Chasing tail and trying to get as much ass as possible. It’s not hard, especially if you’re a doctor.  Ain’t nothing wrong with that.  He gets to travel all over the world and meet new people all the time.  He hasn’t blogged in ages…wonder what happened to him?

Celebrity crush:

Robert Pattinson: Hello?  This is a no brainer.  He is fucking gorgeous and I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t shower.  He’s the epitome of sexy…for me anyway.  Fuck Team Jacob.

Who are your online and celebrity crushes?

I hate Yoga X.

I’d rather do two hours of plyometrics…I think?

Wish they’d come out with something like Shopping X…

Anyway, I’m back on!

I knew it was coming.  It’s been almost half a year since I stepped foot in a Corean church.  Today would be the day that my mother would drag me to her church.

This is it.  The requests for 소개팅 (sogaeting (blind dates)) for me have run dry.  THANK GOD!  She’s antsy about me getting married, even though I tell her I like my life right now.

We argued this morning about what I would wear and how I should wear my makeup.  In my passive-aggressive way, I chose a magenta tunic to wear with skinny black corduroys, to accentuate the highlights in my hair.  I wore four inch heels to purposefully tower over everyone I meet.  She made me wipe off my eyeliner, said I looked like a 날나리 (nalnari (wild party girl)) especially with my highlights.

Going to a Corean church, I’m referring to the Corean Ministries, is like being a contestant in the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.  People roll into church riding their Lexus, BMWs, Mercedes, RLs, Infinities, and Genesis.  The women were dressed in their couture designer digs, while their husbands wore their lackluster suits and athletic socks (a personal pet peeve of mine).

When I arrived at the scene, everyone wass already judging me, especially the women.  They will do a full body scan and they don’t even make an attempt to make it subtle.  Hair, clothes, shoes, skin, and smile.  If they like me, they’ll smile and walk over to my mom.  If they don’t approve and are uninterested, they’ll move on to the next.  I don’t take it personal, it’s just how it is.  I’ve been doing this my whole life.

I saw the pastor’s wife and greeted her.  She hugged me.  I’ve met her a few times because her and the pastor have come over to the house in the past.  She’s an ICU nurse full-time, maybe that’s why we get along.

I sat at the pew with my mom and random women were hitting me from the back, demanding that I turn around so they could look at me.  They knew who my mom was, but they wanted to know who I was…fresh meat.  I did my respectful “안녕하새요 (ahnyounghasaeyo (hello))” and then immediately faced forward.  I heard them talking to my mom about how they were glad to meet me and that I should come to church every Sunday.  They talked about how I was tall for a girl and that I was pretty enough to get boys.  My mom downplayed the whole discussion about how I’m ugly like she is and thus begins the ping pong conversation about how I’m not ugly…whilst I’m sitting…right…there.

Praise, silent prayer, call to worship, hymn, response reading, confession of faith, hymn, prayer, hymn, offering, another offering, announcement, scripture reading, choir performance, sermon, hymn, and then benediction.

During the hymn/praise, I pretended that I was at a 노래방 (noraebang (song room)).  One of the associate pastors lead a prayer that lasted for approximately 10 minutes.  His voice would crescendo then decrescendo, he prayed about everything from Haiti, N. Corea, church members, English Ministries, and everyone + their mommas.   During the sermon, I completely tuned out.  The pastor could have talked about kittens and puppies for all I cared, I was getting restless.

When everything was finished, we got out of our seats, which began another round of introductions to random middle-aged Corean women.  To the woman with three sons who graduated from Harvard.  To the woman whose daughter is a principal and looking for a friend.  To the man who has no children but has nephews that need dates.  To the grandma looking for a wife for her grandson.  To the woman whose son and daughter-in-law are physicians and need playmates.  To the plethora of women who are determined to find a girlfriend for their sons.

Yeah.  I’m not interested in any of that bull crap.  Sorry.

We ate 무우국 (moo guk (white radish soup)).  I’m not really a fan of this particular soup, but who am I to turn down free Corean food?  They observed how much I ate and how I ate.  I was in a hurry to get out of this situation, so I left half of the food in the bowl but managed to eat slowly due to multiple interruptions.  Numerous women came over to me and asked me if I was coming next week.  I politely told them, “아니요 (ahneeyo (no))” and dragged my mom to the car so we could leave.

After returning from church, I was exhausted.  I needed a nap, pronto.

ZzzZzzZzz.

I’ll probably have to do this again next year…*le sigh*

I left the house at 0745.
I returned home at 2210.
Out for 14 hours and 25 minutes.
Drove 231 miles.

Clothes

Guess.

Fever

Alberto Makali.

Badgley Mischka.

Nine West.

Lapis.

Marc by Marc Jacob.

Marc by Marc Jacob.

Accessories

White House Black Market.

Cinnamoroll bag, Tokidoki Mimobot flash memory drive 2 gb, and Kutusita Nyanko white cat phone charm.

Food

Nom Nom food truck.  Vietnamese taco.  Two tacos for $4.

Lemongrass chicken taco.

Tofu taco.

Eurostation.  Thanks E-Monk for giving me the 411about this place.  I heart it.

Grilled chicken panini.

Belgium fries w/mango chutney dip and rosemary garlic mayo dip.

What a delicious day.  No dress still, but I will find one.

I escaped death this morning.  I was on my way to work, following traffic, going straight nevertheless.  Then all the sudden an asshat fuckerface decided that he was going to pull out and turn right in front of me.  He (in a red SUV) decided to gun it and would have plowed into the side of my car had I not used my awesome ninja reflexes and quickly swerve into the left lane.  I honked at him and gave him the bird while screaming at him.  He didn’t give a shit.  He wouldn’t even look at me.  I’d like to crash my car right into his motherfucking face!

My former boss continues to call me.  The more I ignore her, the more she calls.  I can’t get rid of her.

A staff member decided not to show up to work today.  Motherfucking M-I-A.  Piss me off.  Not only did I see 46 patients today, yes fucking 46 patients, I began to plot my revenge against her.  Call me a hateful bitch, I don’t give a rat’s ass.  I had mandatory overtime because we have no damn reserves up in this pisshole.

Nothing but obscenities came out of our mouths (mine and my coworkers).
“Oh my shit!”
“Shit the monkey!”
“Son of a shit!”

I’m getting angrier and angrier by the day.  I hate these bitches trying to take me down.

Currently listening to: Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart - Alicia Keys

Wow.  J.D. Salinger is dead.  Nine Stories, his short stories, were the best.  Loved For Esme - with Love and Squalor.  Of course there was “Catcher in the Rye”, pretty much a classic of sorts.

Thanks Inny for the card.  You’re too sweet.  I miss you tons…can’t wait till I see you.  *besita*

I fell off the P90X wagon but I’m getting back on tomorrow.  I don’t know what my problem is, I try going to sleep at 2100-2200 to see if it helped but it didn’t.  Fuck it, I’m going back to my previous schedule cause obviously this isn’t working.

Been eating caldo de pollo (chicken soup) for lunch these days.  Every thing else makes me wanna yak.  Yakkity yak, don’t come back.  I’ve significantly cut my coffee intake by over 50% to see if it would help.  Negative.

I’ve been stressing a lot.  Work is a cluster fuck of epic proportions.  My new boss doesn’t know what to do with me cause I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  She either thinks I’m crazy or feels sorry for me.  I can’t tell which.  More patients, less staff.  Pure genius.   But what can I do?  Hospitals are threatening to shut down, they’re so far into debt they can’t even get a loan, it’s ridonkulous.  Patients don’t have money to pay the hospitals back.  They get a bill and disregard it.  What do they care? They’re filing for bankruptcy anyway since they’ve lost their jobs.

I always get riled up prior to going on a vacation.  I still haven’t found a dress either.  I’ve found a buncha other clothes to wear but not a dress for the wedding.  That’s my modus operandi.  Luckily, Umikim’s giving me a heads up about random sales going around town.  I’ll have to go alone so I can power through the stores…nobody’s gonna slow me down…oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving.

Last night, Big Bang read “Story of the Good Little Boy” by Mark Twain.

Shortly afterwards, we hung up and I was knocked the hell out.

I had an erotic dream…I was in a glass room masturbating to Alicia Key’s “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart” while in the middle of the room sprawled out in a overly comfortable king sized bed.  The sheets were white and the covers had been carelessly thrown to the side of the bed.  I was rubbing my tits and finger banging myself to the rhythm.

“Let’s do it baby.
Let’s do it baby.
Let’s do it baby.”

As I was about to climax, my cat licked my right ear and immediately woke me up.

*le sigh*

It almost made me want to cry.  So close…yet so far.  I haven’t had any stimulation since November.  I think I’m dead inside.

I’m tired all the damn time now. I feel like I’ve got mono, but I don’t.

I go to sleep before 2200 and I wake up at 0500, I never feel refreshed.

Even though I’m only working the minimum 40 hours a week, I’m working twice as hard.

Big Bang has been reading me Mark Twain short stories at night.  Sunday night was “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County” and Monday night it was “The Story of the Bad Little Boy”.

I bought a winter coat for Chicago but it’s still in my car.  My mom has been bitching about my constant shopping…so I decided to leave it in there till I’ve accumulated more purchases and bring them all in together.  I’d rather get one “You’re a shopaholic” lecture rather than multiple ones.

Yesterday after work, I went to the salon and had my hair chopped off and added burgundy highlights.  I was in the salon chair for two hours and forty minutes.  Two hours and forty minutes…I was antsy towards the end, like a caged animal.  I couldn’t wait till it was over.

It’s almost 2000…and I could fall asleep right now…

Food

Dim sum.

Sesame red bean balls.

Fried chicken balls.

Egg drop soup w/corn.

Deep fried squid tentacles.

My fortune…

Shopping

None of the dresses I bought are for the wedding.

Saks 5th Ave.

Helene Berman.

Zoa.

I.N.C.

BCBG.

Kenneth Cole.

Tweeds.  Two-ply cashmere.  Two-play…*snort*

Nine West.

Chinese Laundry.

I was given beads to make jewelry with.

Music

Symphony orchestra.

This was the first time I’ve ever gone anywhere on my own (except when it comes to shopping).  I would have preferred going with someone else but no one was available and I really wanted to go…

Kinda blurry and I was trying to get another picture till they said that I had to refrain from taking pictures of the orchestra.

Thanks E-Monk for the tickets!  I had a good time.

They paid homage to Michael Jackson, probably because Carlo Ponti was friends with MJ.

Michael Jackson:
Billie Jean, The Girl is Mine, Beat It.

Carlos Chavez: Toccata for 6 Percussions
Allegro, sempre giusto
Largo
Allegro un poco marizale

Ralph Vaughan-Williams: Fantasia on a Theme

I hearted this piece.  It was relaxing and soothing.  I could have fallen asleep listening to this.

W.A. Mozart: Piano concerto no. 9 in E-Flat Major, k.271
Allegro
Andantino
Rondo (Presto)

I liked Eldred Marshall.  His red shirt made a statement.  He’s only 28 years-old, Yale graduate, and the first African-American pianist to perform the entire cycle of 32 piano sonatas of Beethoven in public, from memory.

I have to say that I’m partial to pianists since I have a love/hate relationship with playing piano.  I love observing people while they play piano, it’s as if they are making love, watching the emotions go across their faces as they close their eyes and the movement of their bodies.  It’s definitely an intimate moment.

Have you ever stopped talking to your friends (of the opposite sex) because your significant other forced you to?

Big D: boji (pussy)
Me: wuddup d boy
Big D: hah harro, jal jeen nae? (have you been well?)
Me: i be alright, how about youse?
Big D: yeah ok, just same same
Me: werd
Big D: same namja (guy)?  same job?
Me: different namj (short for namja (guy)), same job.
Big D: same job, no yuj (short for yuja (girl))
Me: why not
Big D: i was a dating a crazy fob
Me: all chicks are crazy
Big D: not like her, man she be beating me all the time.  i hate it
Me: maybe you deserved it!
Big D: shiet you deserve it
Me: shieet you deserve my foot up your azzhoe!
Big D: you wish you could get that close to my asshole
Me: dood your azzhoe nemsehz (smells)
Big D: yeah but you still love it biatch
Me: nah mang, i don’t like your stanky azzhoe hahaha
Big D: and i couldn’t call you while i had the yuj (girl), she would kill me
Me: pussy.  you can’t call your friend?  that’s jacked
Big D: nope not girls
Me: JACKED…you should be the namja (guy) and regulate…wtf?
Big D: didn’t work that way with her, she was crazy
Me: that’s cause you’re a girl
Big D: wtf

Happy birthday, Birdgirl.  I miss you like mad.  <3

I’ve narrowed it down to two dresses for the wedding.  I’ll have to go and try them on.

Adrianna Papell beaded one shoulder jersey dress at Nordstrom for $168.

Suzi Chin silk chiffon empire-waist at Macy’s for $158.

But then again, maybe I’ll pick neither of them.  Hah!  How’s that for indecisiveness?

I had to skip yesterday cause I felt like crap (vomiting and pyrexia).

But today…I was ready to bring it, I’m a fucking beast dammit.

It totally rocked me today, my mom sat on the couch and laughed her ass off as I was doing Plyometrics X.  The mother of all plyometric workouts.

It’s a lot of jumping, leaping, turning, and squats.

I’m definitely improving and I’m totally stoked.  I get so damn pumped up whenever I do P90X.  I think I’m getting addicted.

I should get a jump rope.  Yeah…

Manchester Evening News reported that a woman was threatening to kill herself by jumping off a bridge on the M60.  Four lanes were closed on the highway for eight hours while police officers tried to talk the woman down.  Commuters were calling into a radio show dedicating songs for the woman.  “Jump” by Van Halen was called in by a listener and played on the radio.  Shortly after, the woman pushed herself off the 30 ft bridge.  She suffered minor injuries.  The British are too damn considerate and caring.  I would have called in with a request for “Move Bitch” by Ludacris & Mystikal feat. I-20.

Move bitch, get out of the way, get out of the way, bitch…

Werd.

I’m working with less than 10 hours of sleep here in two days.  I’m practically delirious.  There isn’t enough coffee in the world that can continue to keep me awake.  I drank five cups of coffee this morning.  I threw up after I ate lunch, which was a turkey sandwich with double fiber bread.

I have a fever (pyrexia) of 102.7 degrees.  How hilarious.  Those are the same numbers for KIIS FM, radio station in SoCal.

I hate it when kids cough/sneeze in my face and their parents stand there not saying a damn thing.  I tell the kids, “Cover your mouth when you cough/sneeze.”  And the parents look at me, as if to ask, “Who the hell do you think you are, talking to my child like that?” Fuck them, fucking be a parent and stop standing there with your mouth open looking stupid.

I can’t call in sick because there’s no one to cover for me and I’m supposed to cover for two employees.  HAHAHA!!

I’ve started emptying out my desk.  I came home with 49 pens given to me by pharmaceutical companies (from back in the days).

I can’t find a dress for the wedding either.  I’m fucked.  Maybe I’ll wear pants?  No time to shop this weekend.

Is it wrong that I miss my ex’s friends (Krystiana, Pedro, Buster, & El Gaucho)?

People in SoCal drive like shit.  It gets even worse when it rains.
I just wanna stay home when it rains because I’m afraid psycho drivers that think they can drive fast when it’s raining are going to hit my car.  Hydroplane.  Heard of it?
I have good reason to be afraid because every accident I’ve had (except when I crashed into the house) was by someone else being careless and crashing into me.

Oh yeah, another thing…TURN ON YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS ASSHOLES!

*sobs*

It’s supposed to rain the whole week…hold me…

Yesterday was a rest day, so today, I was totally ready to bring it.

Chest & back. I’m able to do more push-ups this time around but it’s not enough.

Ab Ripper X.  This DVD still kicks my ass.  I wonder when I’ll finally be able to do the whole workout without taking a break.  Gah.

Taking a hot shower right after doing this workout feels so damn good.  Almost as good as when I used to roll and shower at the same time.

It’s almost 0100 and I’m not even close to being tired.

I’m going to suffer…

Do you torture yourself?  If so, how?

Ways I torture myself:

Going into work when I am severely short-staffed.

Take on more at work than I can do…or at least think.

I have four passwords for work…and they are my exes’ names.

I withhold food while I’m at work, but it’s not done on purpose.  I just get too busy and before I know it, my stomach is gurgling and wanting attention.

Living with my mother.  She’s always either nagging me to death about something or another.

Listening to: According to You.

So many times I’ve been told “according to you” but never been told “according to him”.

“According to you I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right.
According to you I’m difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress, can’t show up on time, even if it would save my life.  According to you. According to you.

But according to him I’m beautiful, incredible, he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him I’m funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite, I don’t feel like stopping it, so baby tell me what I got to lose.  He’s into me for everything I’m not, according to you.

According to you I’m boring, I’m moody, you can’t take me any place.
According to you I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span; you’re the boy who puts up with that.  According to you. According to you.”

I compare myself to other people who have excelled.  Take for example: Orianthi Panagaris.  She’s 24 years-old and sings the song listed above.  She also learned to play acoustic guitar at age six and began jamming with Carlos Santana at the ripe age of 18 years-old.  She’s played with Eric Clapton, Prince, and was the lead guitarist for Michael Jackson and Carrie Underwood.  She was also named one of the 12 Greatest Female Electric Guitarist.

When I develop neck pain (I have three herniated discs C3-C5), there are times when I don’t take anything for the pain.  It reminds me that I am not invincible and in fact, I’m quite vulnerable.

Initially, when Big Bang moved the time stamp bar to the middle, I immediately moved the time stamp bar to the bottom of the screen but then I realized that there was a purpose for having it in the middle.  So I continue to leave it there even if it makes me a bit dejected, but it’s a friendly reminder.

I recently found an old love letter from my first boyfriend.  I threw it away but later went back and retrieved it from the garbage.  Reading it again made me happy, sad, and very lonely.  I missed what was.  So much for my happily ever after.  I was so innocent and in love, it disgusts me…

Some may think of this as being cynical, realistic, naive, a hopeless romantic, or even stupid but I’ll live for the moment.  I’ll take whatever I can get…whether it’s good or bad.  After all, nothing lasts forever.  *le sigh*

From: Troxy (Trendy + Foxy) by my request.

Torture Thyself

I

1. Constantly question whether I’m cut out to be a wife.  Sure I love my husband but marriage is more of a prison sentence. Granted, it’s in a minimum security prison where you can do whatever you want but you still have someone to report to. (and whoa. I just realized how fucked up that is to say that)

2. Compare myself to those my age and wonder why I’m not that smart, beautiful or creative.  Why can’t I do that? I tested at a young age for a genius IQ.  Why did I waste it? And why the hell can’t I get it back? It’s still the same brain isn’t it?

3. Always belittle myself physically.  “Your eyes are too big.  Your hips are too fat.  Your boobs need to be perkier.” I actually understand Heidi Montag’s obsession w. her body.  If I had the money I can’t say I wouldn’t be doing the same thing.  The quote” sticks and stones break bones but words can never hurt me” is complete bullshit.

4. Keep talking to people who I don’t want anything to do with.  It took me 10 years and meeting my husband to get over The Ex. And yet he emails me w. relationship problems and I respond. Why? I must be retarded.

5. hate the country. But I will continue to live here. For years to come.  And to say that is torture is an understatement.

This entry gave me a good, hard beating. (That’s what she said).

Happy birthday Big Bang!

Happy birthday Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have the day off.  My dream came true.

The television was delivered and I finally got around to installing it.

The rain continues to come.

I cleaned the upstairs but didn’t get to finish organizing my closet.

I ordered take out from Mimi’s.

This should last me for a week.

A very large coffee.

Greasy French Onion soup.

4 Cheese and herb ravioli.

Greasy spinach and artichoke dip.

It feels weird not doing P90X today.

No work, no shopping, no exercise.  I don’t know what to do with myself…

Peeled from Colin.

Copy and paste to add to your notes and fill in your own answers:

A word you hate: Fetal demise.

The most misunderstood thing about you by others: I like doing nice things for people…but for only those who matter.

Something that surprises you most: Random people calling out my name…and I don’t know who they are.

A future goal: To get my mojo back.

A necessity you enjoy everyday: Sleeping.

Something that is a treasure to you but possibly trash for someone else: My dad’s wallet.

An odd memory you have: The smell of garbage/sewer in Corea.

An event you can laugh about now but not when it happened: Senior year in high school, I had a plate of nachos and was going up a flight of stairs and tripped.  Nachos went flying all over and cheese covered the entire front of my outfit.  I had to go to my locker and change into my track outfit.  Funny because people at school thought we had a track meet that day, when we didn’t.

A person who has had more influence on you than what they possibly may know: Senora Swan.  My Spanish teacher from ninth grade, and a former FBI agent.  She made learning fun and I became her T.A.

A reason to live life better: To be healthy and strong, then I’ll feel better…physically and mentally.

Something strange that may annoy you: People who don’t listen to the voicemail I left them and immediately call me back and ask, “What’d you say in the voicemail?”  Also, people who use “reply to all” when it’s not needed.  Massive forwards, I hate them too.

Ten years ago you were: I was wondering why Y2K never happened.

Something new you have discovered about yourself: My ass has stretch marks.  Gross.  I wonder if JLo or Kim Kardashian has them too?

Words or phrases you overuse: I see.  I tend to use that when I’m pissed off or I’m trying to comprehend what was told to me and trying to buy time.

Something that never gets old to see: The words CLEARANCE and SALE.

Strange habits: If I don’t shop at least once a week, I feel as though my life is incomplete.  I know I’m substituting shopping for something that’s missing in my life.  Until I figure it out, shopping it is.

When others know you are angry: I don’t talk at all.  My face turns into stone and I will disregard anything that is being said to me.  I will walk away from the person and never look back.

Something you don’t like doing: Doing laundry.  It’s tedious but it needs to be done.

Kenpo X.

This was by far the best one out of all the ones I’ve done thus far.  Something about kicking and punching that gets me all riled up.  It almost made me miss TKD.  Almost…

Currently reading: The Elephant Vanishes - Haruki Murakami

My cat stomped on my head as if to say “get up bitch”.  She wanted the feed bag put on pronto but before jumping off my bed, she barfed on my comforter.

Any normal person would have screamed at the cat or pushed her off the bed but I was half in a daze and besides, how could I do that to this sweet looking cat?

I called Big Bang and chit chatted for a bit.  I told him about my dream last night.  We were taking off our clothes and about to have sex, when he looked at my legs and gasped.  He said, “You really ought to shave your legs and no we’re not going to have sex till then.”  I looked at him surprised and said, “Huh?  What?”  And then I woke up.  First the red Range Rover and now my Chewbaca legs.  What gives?

When I hung up the phone, my mom asked me who I was talking to because I was doing a lot of “KEKEKE”.

During breakfast, I carelessly swallowed a piece of toast and ended up in a coughing fit that lead me to vomit my entire breakfast.  Fuck.  That was a complete waste.  I was hungry but was tired from gagging for several minutes, my eyes were watery and I looked pathetic.  I went back to sleep since there was no point in trying to eat now anyway.

When I woke up, my mom told me to brush my damn hair and that it looked like a bird’s nest.  I thought to myself, “Who the fuck cares?”

Me: I’m going shopping.  Bye.
Mom: Why you no go to churchie?  You craji.  Every day shopping.  Shopaholic, you know?  You need boyfriend to telling you to not shopping anymore.

I went to a local cafe because I had a coupon.  Free coffee, no purchase necessary.  This is a no brainer, I’m there.  Drip coffee, 16 oz, that I didn’t have to pay for.  It’s a win-win situation if you ask me.

I went to Marshall’s to check out the scene there.  New clothes arrived.  Oh gross, they’ve got Talbots on sale here now. What next?  Chico?  Note to self: don’t tell mom.

I went trolling down the clearance aisles and picked up two dresses.

This dress was $15.  I guess I could wear this to work.

This dress was $10.  It’s ugly but I like the asymmetry of this dress and the pocket.  It’s shapeless but who the hell cares?

I bought this FCUK short-sleeved turtle neck for $15.

Then I went to the mall and tried looking for a dress for the wedding or even a winter coat but to no avail.

I came home and had leftover lentil soup and another cup of coffee.  I wanted something tasty to eat but couldn’t think of what to make nor did I feel like leaving the house again.

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow.  Disgusting.  If it is, I’m not leaving the damn house.  So much cleaning to be done that I’ve neglected…

oldSkool + jennytown3: Never ask a lady this…but how old are you?
Younger than you oldSkool but older than jennytown3.  Definitely old enough to know better.  *grin*

Mr_jin: Favorite position?
It used to be doggy but lately it’s been me on my back with my ankles on his shoulders.  But then again what do I know, it’s been months since I’ve knocked boots.

jennytown3: how do u know if a guy likes u for the right reasons??
You don’t know.  You just have to trust your instincts and if that’s not enough, then ask your closest friends or family members.  Sometimes getting perspective from the outside helps bring clarity.

mwin: what’s the story behind big bang?  his name i’m sure refers to the korean band haha
He has a large tattoo of a dragon on his back –> one of the members in Big Bang was G-Dragon.  He had a choice between G-Dragon or Big Bang.

Anonymous Reader: does size matter?
Yes.  Yes it does.  Whoever said it didn’t…lied.

Colin: What are your top ten favourite movies?
엽기적인 그녀 (My Sassy Girl)
Old Boy
빈집 (3 Iron)
두사부일체 (My Boss, My Hero)
My Father is a Hero
The Piano
The Lover
Il Postino
Whale Rider
(500) Days of Summer

rene: why don’t you post more pics of yourself?
I don’t think I’m attractive…where I should be flaunting my pictures around and such, if anything I am simply average when it comes to looks.  Not heinously ugly but not beautiful either.  I have most of my pictures though under the “About Me” tab, located at the top of this page.

deux02: what exactly happened in boston w/ the whole bleeding thing
It happened in Washington, D.C.  One day I’ll expound on this, but not today.

David: What would it take for me to get you to move here?
You’d have to impregnate me and then kidnap me.

Zircle999: Where are you the most ticklish?
My obliques.

Zontiago: once you go black can you really go back?
I wouldn’t know since I’ve never fucked a black guy before.  Although, I’ve seen my female Corean friends hook up w/black guys and haven’t looked at another Asian since then.

mia: did you meet big bang online? if so, where? do you think online relationships work?
We met at an airport actually.  Kinda funny if you ask me.  I think some online relationships could work.  I have coworkers who met their husbands from E-Harmony and an old friend of mine married her husband (whom she met on IRC (Internet Relay Chat)).

Cherry: Will the wings on my eyes take me higher? *flap*
Most definitely.  It’ll take you hella higher.  Don’t forget to use a Sharpie, ok?

suejungle: why did you decide to have the current occupation you’re in?
I like the whole fast paced atmosphere.  Go go go go go.  I live for it…even though it stresses me out.  I used to follow my mom to work when I was little and thought to myself, “I can do this.”  There are different avenues you can go to in nursing and I liked the fact that I could change specialties whenever I got bored and not worry about not having a job.

AG: why do people like to lick or stick their tongue in other people’s anus? to me, it’s like they’re eating shit. it doesn’t matter how “clean” that person is–there will always be residue. please help me understand why people do this, especially in p0rn.
Personally, I think it’s fun but that’s just me.  Maybe I like seeing him squirm too.  The whole protecting the asshole, “nothing in my poop chute”, is shattered and he is left vulnerable…exposed.  There shouldn’t be residue if the person is clean, specially right after coming out of the shower.  If there is, he needs to go back and clean himself again.  Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

AG: question #2: why does the menstrual flow appear lighter when one is asleep?
Probably because you are lying on your back and gravity is not forcing the menstrual flow downward.  The body is also relaxed and your uterus is most likely having less contractions, thus slowing down the flow considerably.

gigi: how much weight have you lost since you started your entire workout regimen (starting with the personal trainers)? - great job rosie
I’ve lost about 10 - 15 pounds, depending on whether or not I’m bloated and eat shitty foods.

AG: I have an OB question for you since the ideal age for pregnancy is between 19 and 35, is it possible for a woman to freeze their ages while it’s still ripe and use it later? would you do it?
It is possible but oocyte cryopreservation has no guarantees.  There have been instances where the integrity of the cells have been destroyed due to the liquid water that ices the cell.  Most fertility clinics will collect about 20 oocytes from the donor (35 years and younger), in case some of the eggs are damaged.  I have had cancer patients undergo these procedures because the chemo/radiation because their ovaries may be destroyed.

AG: what is your height and weight now?
I went to my primary care doctor’s office and they told me I was 5′ 6.5″
Weight, I’ll tell you after I finish P90X.

roey: If you could come back doing any line of work different from what you’re doing now with the guarantee that would be at the LEAST decently successful, what would you choose to do instead?
Be a designer for Dior.
Screenwriter.
Dog/Cat Whisperer.

deux02: So how does the family and the SO’s (current and past) feel about you posting your most intimate thoughts online? I’m sure there are times when you might have posted something that might be considered rude or personal. (ex: ms useless) I myself have gotten into a fight or two with an ex about this.
My brother used to threaten me with exposing my blog to my parents.  After awhile, I think he stopped reading.  His friends on the other hand, have continued reading.  Haha!  Big Bang is a very private person so I try to respect that and not write so much about him.  My previous significant others actively read my blog and didn’t seem to mind that I wrote about them.  At least they haven’t complained about it to me anyway.